More wonderful writing from Fredreick Buechner

From my favorite new meditation book (well, new to me anyhow), here is the entry for January 15, which has stuck with me since:

"After Buechner's father's death, the family moved to Bermuda, rather to Grandma Buechner's disapproval:

'You should stay and face reality,' she wrote, and in terms of what was humanly best, this was perhaps the soundest advice she could have given us: that we should stay and, through sheer Scharmann endurance, will, courage, put our lives back together by becoming as strong as she was herself. But when it comes to putting broken lives back together – when it comes, in religious terms, to the saving of souls - the human best tends to be at odds with the holy best. To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do – to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst – is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still.

The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed by the holy power that life itself comes from. You can survive on your own. You can grow strong on your own. You can even prevail on your own. But you cannot become human on your own.

Surely that is why, in Jesus’ sad joke, the rich man has as hard a time getting into Paradise as that camel through the needle’s eye because with his credit card in his pocket, the rich man is so effective at getting for himself everything he needs that he does not see that what he needs more than anything else in the world can be had only as a gift. He does not see that the one thing a clenched fist cannot do is accept, even from le bon Dieu himself, a helping hand."

Wonderful local food blogger

Anna from Mill Valley - I stumbled on to her blog since she is also a member of the SF Compact Yahoo Grouo.

Times, they are a-changin'...

I tried to get into Chester Arnold's class, but he was totally over-subscribed (over-booked?) Anyhow, his class was too full. He sent me over to a painting class, but I don't know that I like the teacher and the students were all about 18 years old.

So instead I signed myself up for a Thursday night "Figure Painting" class at California College of Art! yay! Teacher is someone named Sian Oblak . I find her work intriguing.

The teacher from College of Marin last night did show some fun slides before we started in on painting and I jotted down a couple of new names - artists I liked.

David Salle

Raymond Saunders (image in this post)

It looks like I may be able to keep my job in Berkeley, despite a recent acquisition of our company by a competitor. I like the new guys (from our new HQ) and also like their product, so it would be great to stay.

As it turns out also, my art-class friend Carmen just got a job in Kentfield and doesn't want to commute from Napa, so we may find a place down here together, ideally some loft-type space where we could leave our art projects out. Yippee!

Had a great meeting this morning with Molly. She is so perceptive and encouraging. It's a real gift to be a good teacher / coach and I just feel so lucky when I get hooked up with one.

have a heart

"An artist needn’t be a clergyman or a churchwarden, but he certainly must have a warm heart for his fellow men."

Vincent van Gogh

Kristin Chenoweth, friend of adjectives

One of the more fun things about following la Chenoweth is seeing the creative responses writers have to seeing her in performance. Take, for example, Newsday:

Joyful neurosis, with an acute dose of cute

BY JUSTIN DAVIDSONNewsday Staff Writer
January 22, 2007

It's hard work to be adorable, but Kristin Chenoweth's labors of lovability bore fruit at her Metropolitan Opera concert Friday night in what can only be described as a leaping ovation. Her fans came primed, and she did not disappoint them. She sang well, of course, but her gymnastic and pliant voice is actually not her secret.No, that would be the slightly desperate assertiveness of her opening number, "Gorgeous," from her current Bock & Harnick Broadway vehicle, "The Apple Tree," followed by Stephen Schwartz's "Popular." All performers live by the motto "Look at Me," but Chenoweth craves love more obviously than most. To get it she has refined her brand of rodeo cutesiness - by turns raunchy, girly, soulful and angelic - and finished it with a coat of good New York neurosis.

Chenoweth is a tiny Roman candle with a blinding grin, a rubber-ball soprano and a personality big enough to dominate the Met's majestic house. She arrived full of wonder at her own talent, her good fortune and the sheer oh-my-golly-gee-whizness of a girl like her ending up in a place like this. But while she milked the persona of a trailer-park pixie, she strode the stage like the bona fide diva she is, hurling high-voltage top notes that nearly fried the amplification. Ah, the amplification: Chenoweth knows how to romance a microphone, but it's an alien presence at the Met, and it blurred her high-definition patter in "If You Hadn't But You Did" into a rat-tat-tat of phonemes. Maybe now that the company is so attuned to technology and media, it will find a way of making these once-a-year amplified concerts sound good. Chenoweth was at her best in recent music, such as "The Girl in 14G," by Jeanine Tesori, which updates the classic New York vignette: girl off the bus, still smelling of hay, who finds an apartment and seeks salvation in showbiz. In the song, her quiet nest turns out to be sandwiched between the Wagnerian soprano downstairs and the Ella-wannabe upstairs; her only option is to best them both with a bit of Broadway belting. Chenoweth tossed off that assortment of styles like a tennis ball serving machine. At her perkiest, she hopped so enthusiastically that she threatened to do a double Janet Jackson out of her shoulderless gown. But the evening's real thrill was the emotional nakedness she allowed herself for a stretch of the second act. "Love Somebody Now," by her rock-solid music director Andrew Lippa, is a tender anthem of the lonely. "How Can I Lose You?" by Adam Guettel is a deeper, more bitter description of love killed by too much need. Having established her sincerity credentials, Chenoweth then slid down a ravine into a bog of sentimentality, culminating with the Styx song "Show Me the Way," complete with chorus and churchy crescendos. She redeemed herself with encores, starting with Leonard Bernstein's "Glitter and Be Gay," which in her case seemed less like a song title than the first injunction in a 12-step program for stars.

Daily book

I have stumbled on a new daily meditation book that I really love - by Frederick Buechner. Here is something that was in there the other day:

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

Fie on Earthlink

Earthlink actually made me swear out loud at my workplace. They were ridiculous; kept me on hold for 30 minutes, during which they repeatedly told me that "your call is important to us" and then encouraging me to hang up and take my complaint to their web site instead.
Finally got a human being on the line and gave him all of the account details, after which he decided I needed to talk to someone more senior. I was transferred. I had to repeat all of the account details. After much explanation of the history of the problem, the call center person told me that I absolutely HAD to be looking at the modem while I was reporting this. So I will try again tonight. Apparently their call center is open 24 hours a day.
After I hung up and said some inappropriate swear words, a colleague popped over to tell me that I should not do business with Earthlink since they are all "crazy Scientologists." See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthlink.

Stephen Huneck

Another dog artist I love. Hey GP, he's from Vermont!

Austin

The company that is acquiring us is based in Austin and I have raised my hand to say, "Yes! I'll go!"

Now, I also find that they have a Shakespeare Studies department at the university there. Man, oh man oh man. How great is that?

I hear nothing but good things about Austin, so my focus is shifting more in the direction of Texas. Who'd a thunk it? Heck, I can ride western and adore Shakespeare and create paintings and listen to the Dixie Chicks with the best of them. Ok, so I might get bucked off if I went up against the best of them western rider types, but still...

I like the "Keep Austin Weird" web site.

I just recalled that back in November, my sister and I both took a "what city are you?" test and my result was Austin! Actually, so was hers. Maybe she should ditch California too. There is only that pesky problem that she's able to practice her profession just in California. Does JetBlue fly to Austin? That would make things much happier.

something cheery

Although I truly don't feel so cheery today, I'm glad to see that Kristin Chenoweth is still out there doing her thing and it makes me feel like someday soon, I too will feel silly and sprightly again.

Here's an even better review, describing a very funny entrance she made.

fruit, walking

I recently hired a coach and all of the goals we outlined in my plan are now kind of up in the air, so my whole focus this week is truly simple: walk every day, eat more fruit.

I'm very glad I found this coach; she was supportive without being gushy, has a great sense of humor and was not thrown off by all the rollercoaster activity of my last week. She also pointed out strengths she thinks I have and helped me focus on those, instead of getting bogged down in the negative. Very affirming and motivating.

She said something like - well, it seems you have your palms up and are saying, ok, i'm flexible, it can be Austin or DC or Berkeley and I'd be excited for any of those. And that puts you (me) in a great position, it's a strength. I also described to her all of the things I like about what the company does for its customers and how that makes it even more worth it to be that open.

Everyone has been so supportive about Velda. I'm so wiped about it but don't want to be weepy and sentimental with people in person - it just feels private. I also feel like I've been inundated with interactivity and just need some time to be all by myself. Thank goodness it's the weekend finally.

sweetie dog

My sweetest little pal ever, Miss Velda, has gone on to the doggie park in the sky. We knew she had tons of tumors and it was just a wait-and-see thing...but it's never welcome to lose someone like that. And yes, I think of my dog as a someone. Anyhow, it got bad last night and I had to take her in to the vet.

What was good - Velda had a great quality of life right up to the last day. And the wonderful Dr. Rock Irvine got on the phone (even though it was 9 pm) to talk me through it.

I was so lucky to have this quirky goofball in my life for so many years. Smart, stubborn, independent, and, when no one was looking, very affectionate, she stole my heart completely.

This first photo is "Mother Mary Velda" at my mom's chilly house in Jacksonville, Oregon, last Christmas. She withstood my torturing her with outfits and such so patiently. Even a hoodie sweater was tolerated. Here she is also at Alston Park in Napa.

She always became fully engaged in a dig. Notice the kicky collar with the ladybugs. That was a gift from my wonderful sister.

I can't write about my feelings on this right now, since I need to keep my @(*#&$ together today at work.

I am grateful for my wonderful program friends and my family;
I am grateful that today I do have a roof over my head and a job;
I am grateful for my health and sobriety;
Today I ask God to give me some calm, some ability to be of service in a chaotic time at my work.

Yes, the vulnerability you have when you love to work at innovative, smaller tech companies is that "A" word - acquisition. Our company was acquired by a Texas company, announced to us just yesterday, so that whole loft thing is on hold while I assess.

My friends and family have been so great and also insightful. Most have reminded me that God has a plan and that things happen for good reason and to hang in there. I'm glad I surround myself with recovery people and people who do their best to connect with a higher power.

Light at end of tunnel, no train whistle heard

Good news! I will be moving into a dreamy loft in Oakland!! 1400 square feet of painted concrete floor, big tall ceilings and windows - yay!

I think I may throw a rollerskate-friendly party just before my furniture is delivered - stay tuned. Here are some of my new neighbors (found via google search):

Architects
An art studio - recent show featured Susan Sarti, Sydnei Smith Jordan, and Zoe Martell.
Mayer Laboratories - socially responsible healthcare (a.k.a. condoms!!!)
Francisco Electric Supply
Yummy spa products (the founder of which, I find, is a member of the "San Francisco Craft Mafia!"
Oh, and the occasional grenade!


Bomb squad removes WWII grenades
Oakland Tribune, May 26, 2004 by STAFF REPORTS


OAKLAND -- Two modified World War II practice grenades discovered on a storage shelf in an East Oakland loft were gingerly removed by the bomb squad Tuesday afternoon and destroyed.
"These looked like practice grenades from the World War II era, which had been modified -- drilled out in the bottom, and possibly refilled with powder to make them functional again," said Capt. James Williams of the Alameda County Sheriff's Department bomb squad. "So we treated them as live grenades."
Around noon Tuesday, police received a call from the resident of one of the lofts at 646 Kennedy St., a two-story brick building near the Oakland Estuary.
"Apparently these folks were cleaning out their loft to move, and found a basket that had been given to them about 10 years ago after the resident's father had died," said Oakland police Sgt. Jon Madarang.
"They'd never looked in it and had just stuck it up on a shelf," he said.
Police evacuated the building, and residents stood on the sidewalk about a block away until the bomb squad containment van arrived and the squad removed the grenades.
Williams said the bomb squad gets dozens of similar calls every year, with hundreds of old war souvenirs floating around out there.
"And over time, explosive devices get more sensitive and volatile," Williams said. "These were old to begin with and had been sitting there for 10 years, so we wanted to take every precaution."

all that is yum, amid the yuck

While the logistics of yesterday drove me to curse and pound my futile little fists on the steering wheel of my shamefully gas-guzzling SUV, the other joys of the day were extraordinary.

Could not get Internet connection at my Napa Fed-Ex Kinko's (on a day when I was telecommuting) and it took me about 1/2 hour to get someone to tell me why and realize that I had to drive at least an hour away to get to a working T-Mobile HotSpot. Headed to Petaluma, since I was having lunch there with a friend there later and hoping that the Fed-Ex Kinko's there would let me connect. After a 1/2 hour futzing about discovering that there was no hot-spot and that their "lap-net" service was hosed, finally logged on using one of their desktops at a steep 25 cents per minute. Oy vey.

Trekked over to the new PRBO offices to meet with my old friend Claire Peaslee. The new facility is just stunning - a nice clean library, an amazing wet lab, computer classroom, lofty ceilings, a beautiful view of Shollenberger Park. Just wow.

We had lunch at a place called "Della Fattoria" and it was a very happy surprise. Warm colors, comfortable small dining room, incredible organic, high-quality food. I had, for example, a stew with sweet potato, onion, big white beans, duck and pork. It was scumptious. And it was soul-filling to talk with Claire and get caught up. She's doing some very intriguing things with a thing called Action Theater, which I'll have to learn more about.

We found parking right in front of the restaurant, first stroke of luck. Then, when I ordered my stew, the gal at the counter relayed to her fellow server, "Ok, that's it for the duck. No more orders for duck." So second stroke of luck was getting that last morsel of duckiness in my stew. Third stroke was that the place was just emptying out when we got there but then a huge line formed behind us.

Petaluma has changed so much over just the past year! I like the architecture of the new riverfront condos and such. I think it is respectful of the rural area, echoing farm buildings, while being exciting and contemporary.

So after going back to my computer at Petaluma's FedEx-Kinko's and racking up another big connectivity charge, I finally was done with work for the day and could take my dog to Petaluma's fine dog park (also out near Shollenberger.) It was freezing cold and blowy, very unusual for the bay area. So a bit more yuck occurred here as my dog decided that she had no intention of returning to captivity in the vehicle. I chased her for about 15 minutes, teeth chattering and muttered curses flying, before I got a leash on her again. She didn't look the slightest bit abashed. Plus, when I put her back in the car (I have to lift her due to her leg injuries), I got that dead thing she rolled in all over my hands and had to smell that all the way back to Napa.

Claire is going to be doing a naturalist talk on this Saturday's "West Coast Live", which they'll be broadcasting live from the SF Ferry Building. I think I'll be listening as I drive around Oakland neighborhoods looking at apartments for rent. It would be fun to go to the show, but I think I can't spare the time.

Tomorrow my escrow is supposed to close. Finally. Please please let it be so. It was originally to close on December 21 and it has been pushed out twice due to the buyers' inability to get their financing processed. Very frustrating.

New Monastics

I read this article in my Sojourners last night about a movement called "New Monastics" and found it quite intriguing! Here is something from San Francisco Chron about it.

Their key tenets (pasting here, since Sojourners requires a log-in to view):


The 12 Marks of a New Monasticism - by Josh Andersen

Moved by God’s Spirit in this time called America to assemble at St. Johns Baptist Church in Durham, N.C., we wish to acknowledge a movement of radical rebirth, grounded in God’s love and drawing on the rich tradition of Christian practices that have long formed disciples in the simple Way of Christ. This contemporary school for conversion which we have called a “new monasticism” is producing a grassroots ecumenism and a prophetic witness within the North American church which is diverse in form but characterized by the following marks:
1) Relocation to the abandoned places of Empire.
2) Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.
3) Hospitality to the stranger.
4) Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.
5) Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.
6) Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community along the lines of the old novitiate.
7) Nurturing common life among members of intentional community.
8) Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.
9) Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.
10) Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us along with support of our local economies.
11) Peacemaking in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18.
12) Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.
May God give us grace by the power of the Holy Spirit to discern rules for living that will help us embody these marks in our local contexts as signs of Christ’s kingdom for the sake of God’s world.

From http://www.newmonasticism.org/.
Josh Andersen, a former Sojourners intern, is a student at Eastern University in St. Davids, Pa.
The 12 Marks of a New Monasticism. by Josh Andersen. Sojourners Magazine, January 2007 (Vol. 36, No. 1, pp. 35). Features.

slug art

I have a co-worker who has put a toy slug, a slinky and some very strong magnets up on the top metal edge of his cubicle wall. I have found it quite fascinating to see the various permutations of the arrangment of these over the weeks. (The slug is the mascot of UC Santa Cruz where this person matriculated.)

Today's version of slug-slinky-magnet reminds me of those tubes of fabric and a big wide wire spring just big enough for a child to crawl through. The green wiring is holiday lighting, which has not been a long-standing member of this art show.

The Compact

The other day on the radio, I heard about this group of friends who swore off buying new things in 2006. I tried to remember their name so I could look it up when I got to work, but got distracted by this and that. Then my mom emailed me a link about The Compact. Very interesting stuff! I joined their yahoo group and think it would be fun to meet like-minded folks. I may give this a try also, now that I understand it's more about reducing footprint than being abstemious. They enjoy buying things used, making an effort to reduce landfill and waste. That I like.

I also love it when things get another use, another chance, a new beauty.

I also highly recommend a book called Mongo: Adventures in Trash. It's all about people in Manhattan and how they re-use things that are tossed. Also see NY Times review.

One reviewer (Rob Hardy on Amazon.com) : " "Mongo" is slang that originated in New York in the 1980s for "any discarded object that is retrieved." This decidedly does not mean mere garbage, the worthless rotting ephemera which no one wants. There are plenty of discarded things, however, from books to wood scraps to blocks of buildings, which the person who did the discarding thought were worth zero and which the eventual collector thought had value. And many times, that value is in the thousands. Frequently this is a surprising story of rags literally going to riches. Botha reminds us, 'The street collector you see today could well be a bum or a lunatic, that's true enough, but just as easily a millionaire, a schoolteacher, an accountant, a doctor, a housewife.' He has contacted all these levels to report on them."

More visual artists I love

Jane Liston, in San Rafael - I was lucky enough to meet her, chat about creating art and buy a study from her at an open studio a few years ago. She was very encouraging and down-to-earth; liked her a lot.

Susan Hall, from Point Reyes. Luminous!

Robert Bechtle!

Jason Mecier (east bay also) He was also featured on Spark.